When I get drunk I like to buy things online. Ebay is usually my website of choice because its always more fun to feel like you’ve won when you’re purchasing shit (I easily win auctions- I once paid $48 for a hideous yellow vintage knit sweater that was falling apart). One night though I raised the bar and branched out, shook things up and decided to get fancy. I bought some cologne. The price was in pounds so you know that ish is legit. Sike. It was Burger King cologne. It’s called “Flame” and their tagline is “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat”. It cost me $13 pounds (thats money from ENGLAND).
It arrived in the mail a week later. It was tiny as hell, did smell like meat, and wasn’t even in a box. It looked like something you’d get in a happy meal or a BK Big Kids meal. I threw it in some corner until I convinced some kid to date me and gave it to him as a gift. Anyway, I’m writing this post as a warning- don’t get drunk and buy shit. But I’m also writing it because I’m pissed/not surprised to learn that the King has lowered his price. You too can now own Flame for the much lower and reasonable price of $2.65 pounds. Ugh, if I had only waited a few short months I could have saved some pay-puh but whatevz.
"Telling myself I’m a playa so I keep tryna shake it off, But I keep on seeing this big old house with a picket fence and a dog, Never felt nothing like this, Shes more than a mistress enough to handle my business, Now put that girl in my kitchen.